This blog started out, so many years ago, as a beauty/”lifestyle” (ugh) blog for people with chronic illness and/or pain — and I’ve sort of lost focus, on that count. I’ve been finding it impossible to just mush the three blogs I run together into one cohesive THING, because none of the things really seem to mesh well — the subject matter is too…specific. Specialized. I run my corset blog, then my website for my creative endeavors, i.e. writing and photography along with a blog dealing with my chronic health, on a day to day basis. And then there’s this blog, which — as I said — sort of meandered a bit. I think much of that was simply due to the fact that I’ve been too depressed over my degenerating health to actually follow my own advise, re: “self-care” and beauty in the face of unremitting pain and illness.
In other words, folks, I kinda dropped the ball on my own self.
And you know something? I feel the lack. For months, I didn’t put on any makeup. ME. The woman who finds joy in a red lipstick, finds surcease in a black liquid cat-eye so sharp it could cut glass, and whose search for the perfect non-foundation foundation that improves my sickly, sallow visage without making me feel like I’m suffocating under flesh-toned spackle is an obsession on the level of Ahab’s search for Moby Dick…but lately? Lately — up until very recently — I’ve been struggling to even shower daily, let alone apply the perfect nude lip. My skincare routine has been practically non-existent, my hair wasn’t colored in months, and my nails were (ok, still are) a disaster. Now, some might say;
“Well ferfucksake, who CARES? Who cares about vanity when you’re walking with a cane at 52, and need medication just to function on a basic level (like, dragging your sorry carcass out of bed)? When your body is literally falling apart? Who cares about makeup with all that shit going on?”
But that’s just it, isn’t it? Putting on just a little bit of makeup, dressing in something besides pajamas or my comfy dancewear which I can no longer use for dance, taking care of my skin…those things kept me feeling human. Feeling “normal”. Like myself. It never mattered if anyone even saw me — I did it for ME. And it worked, you know? It worked to keep me from letting that last hold on who I am slip away with the rest of it. And the problem with that is, it’s a Catch-22; I feel depressed so I let myself stop caring about my appearance. Which in turn makes me more depressed. It’s like letting the illness win, in my eyes — giving up the one thing I have some control over, physically. Really, for me, it’s kind of the last straw before plummeting into the abyss. And I didn’t even care anymore, when I let it slip through my (unmanicured) fingers. Sometimes it happens like that, especially for those of us who are dealing with a degenerative, chronic condition; things can and do change rapidly, usually for the worse. And it is very easy to slip into a sort of melange of despair, bitterness, and apathy. Stick it in your bullet blender and drink it down with your morning smoothie (because you’re too freaking nauseous to do solid foods).
Fortunately for me, however, I’m exceptionally vain. And as such, I can only go so long without at least putting on a face-oil and some lipstick. Hell, I tattooed my brows so it would all be that much easier to look a bit more put together on the rough days. So, after a couple months of not even side-eyeing my Tom Ford “Lost Cherry” lipstick, I finally had enough. I looked in the mirror at my grossly grown-out pixie cut (badly in need of a root touch-up), my dehydrated, tubercular, vampiric pallor one day a couple weeks ago, and knew something had to give. And it wasn’t going to be my health, so it had to happen in my brain. Which isn’t as easy as it may sound.
But now, on the days that I am not so sick I can’t leave the bed (usually this involves lots of nausea and a splitting headache, and I’m sorry but not even Wonder Woman is putting on her signature red lip on THAT day), I make myself get up, drag my carcass the 7 or so steps to my bathroom/makeup closet, and do one thing. Just one. Usually this means I wash my face (or my whole self, if possible); and while I’m already standing there, I might as well brush my teeth. And at that point, my skin is drier than Doug Stanhope’s wit, so I absolutely MUST splash on a bit of hydrating toner, then slather on some moisturizer. Once that’s done, it’s easy to go the next step, and at the very least, put on a little lipstick. If nothing else is possible, and I’m feeling like death warmed over, putting on a little lipstick is the absolute easiest thing in the world to do. And it instantly makes me feel better.
The reality is, if I’m feeling the level of ick that I frequently achieve with Ehlers Danlos taking its toll after so many years, eyeliner is not happening. For that, I have an entire arsenal of red lipsticks in all textures and formulations. In fact, today is one of those days; all I’m wearing makeup-wise is my Tom Ford Cherry Lush red lipstick, because that’s all I have energy for. Red lipstick is the ultimate sick chick rebellion against the entropy of chronic illness.
And that’s a post for another day, very soon.
But.
The thing is, I’m an Edie Sedgwick eyeliner kind of girl at heart, and my favorite thing in the world to do is put on a cat-eye. Only then do I truly feel like me, again.
It may sound weird to you, but interestingly, in several cultures in the Middle East and North Africa, kohl is used by women and men (and even children) as protection against not only glare of the sun, but against buri nazar, or the “Evil Eye”. This makes sense to me. While we don’t have such customs in the West, I can absolutely understand why people believe it can offer protection against more than the sun. Because it absolutely makes me feel more equipped to face the world. Not only is lining the eyes with kohl a fabulous way to ward off the evil eye, it also can imbue the wearer with power and confidence. I can attest to this; I’ve been using eyeliner to make myself feel beautiful and powerful on days when I’m anything but for decades. It’s a certain kind of magic — the kind I believe in and can personally endorse. Makeup IS a kind of magic — and to me, a kohl-rimmed eye is the best kind of magic there is to transform myself from a 115 lb sickly weakling to a sort of Demi-goddess…at least in my own mind. And that’s really where it counts, after all.
The trouble is, though, that my condition can really fuck with my hands, and my stability — I wear compression gloves to deal with the pain, which works remarkably well for the most part (like, when I’m typing, too, for instance); but sometimes my hands shake. If you’ve ever tried to put on liquid eyeliner with shaky hands, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Instead of the 35 year eyeliner veteran that I am, it actually looks like my grade-school aged “nephews” did it for me. Liquid eyeliner is NOT for the faint of heart — or shaky of hand.
Enter the gel/cake/cream in a pot eyeliner. It may sound counter-intuitive, because one has to actually have a proper brush or two on hand to apply the stuff properly, but if you DO have the right brush (mine is an angled, thin one that looks something the Grim Reaper would have on hand), it’s MUCH easier to apply than a liquid. It’s far more forgiving, for one thing. And to be honest, it also has the added benefit of being a bit…softer looking; which is quite nice on older eyelids. Even with my blackest and liquid-est of liners, I generally smudge things out a bit with a cream or powder shadow laid underneath, then blended out a bit. I think it looks far less harsh — a trick that’s very useful when you don’t have 20 year-old skin, anymore. And so, on my good days, when I am going to be up and about, I will take a few extra minutes to slick on a cat-eye and mascara, slap on a super-easy nude lip, and voila! I’m me, again. I feel like I’ve got a layer of protection between myself and the rest of the world, and that does wonders for my overall well-being, let me tell you.
I have black eyeliner in every imaginable form, and which one I use depends upon how steady my hands are, how much effort/energy I have to devote to my favourite makeup, and sometimes, just whimsy. But, for hands-down the most versatile form of eyeliner is the cream/gel pot eyeliner. It can give you a smudgy kohl look, or a razor-sharp cat eye, or anything in between. It’s far easier and more forgiving for those who struggle with liquid liners, if you love that look but can’t seem to get the hang of it, and if you love a smokey eye, it’s better than pencil for its ability to smudge exactly the way you want it before it sets. The one I used in the first photo is “The Black Orb”, by Rituel de Fille. It’s a nice, deep black, and has a consistency somewhere between a gel and a cream. To apply, I uses slanted liner brush — I got mine from Amazon. Having started out with black cake-liner back in the 80s, I have a deep nostalgia for eyeliners in a little pot. I would seek them out when they fell out of popularity for a number of years, just because of nostalgia. And now, because the application is a lot less difficult on those days.
In this post, I’ll show you my current favorite eyeliners, do a brief review of one I really looked forward to and am slightly disappointed with (Rituel de Fille, I’m looking at you) and how they all look when applied in the same basic fashion — the ubiquitous cat-eye. I’ve been doing my eyeliner this way for *mumbles astronomical number, coughs*…a very long time. Since about 1983, to be exact. I was in grade school, just discovering a love for punk rock, Blondie, and Siouxsie and the Banshees. It was the latter who really inspired the makeup I wear to this day — because when something works, why change it? I mean I was a makeup artist for over 20 years — I know how to do makeup to fit every style and fad that’s come around since makeup was invented (and to this day, I can’t stand the tire-track blush and frosted blue-pink lipstick of the 80s — hence veering from the mainstream both musically, and makeup-wise in that decade, when I first tried on my grandmother’s Chanel red lipstick and Maybelline pencil eyeliner; the kind you had to take a lighter to in order to soften it up enough to use it…). I’ve done every style imaginable on myself — as you can see if you check out my beauty instagram. But I always come back to the black cat-liner. It works with my quite large, almond eye shape eyes, and accentuates the things I like about my eyes. It makes me look good even on days when I’m so sick my skin is sallow and dehydrated, and my cheekbones are so harsh that I look like Cruella DeVille. I mean, the broad had style, one cannot deny…but she was a bit rough looking in the beauty department.
The first look, in the above photo, is from using the aforementioned Orb liner from Rituel de Fille (pictured above) — aka “RdF”. I used it even on my waterline, which is a testament to how gentle it is. My eyes are a bit sensitive from a scratched cornea that never quite healed properly, so that’s important. It gives a great, dark black line that you can work with a bit to smudge it or make super-sharp, before it sets. I love using it with the above pictured slanted liner brush, or a very fine, more traditional brush. It works well with whatever you throw at it. And as I mentioned above, like the Kohl it’s modeled after, it’s great for that smudged, smokey eye thing we all love but have a hell of a time getting right. The reason so many people struggle is not because they lack skill, but because they are using the wrong kind of eyeliner. The smudged look requires a softer liner, one that will easily give that sexy, slept-in look that was so hot in the 90s, along with the rest of the gamine, “Heroin Chic” look. Pale lips and cheeks, smudged, dark eyes, and messy hair. It’s one of those looks you have to be careful with if you want to make it work for you, i.e. not literally look like a junkie. This means controlled smudging, rather than just slapping a ton of liner on and rubbing your eyes. I find using a good primer beforehand, then a non-oily gel/cream shadow like Mac Paint Pots as opposed to powder shadow because it grabs the liner better. Then, taking a good small, round eyeshadow brush, or even a humble Q-tip to it before it sets and gently smoking it out — rubbing it gently to blur, then applying a bit of dark shadow over it, then blending, blending, blending, then blending some more. It’s not something that works with a dry pencil or a liquid.
Kohl is a very specific type of eyeliner, and it was made specifically for this look — and RdF does a great job of replicating it. The downside is, it’s not the best if you have oily lids, or if it’s a hot day (honestly, this is true for all eyeliners except waterproof liquids, which I’ll get to) . It doesn’t mean you can’t do it, but there are steps you need to take that you may not have the energy for if you’re not feeling your best. If you’re going to be out in hot, humid conditions, or you have especially oily lids like I used to, you need to be careful to prime the lids and even go over the line with an extra layer of black shadow, or even liquid just along the lash line and over the “tail” in order to “set” it, and make it last properly under these conditions, or it will go beyond sexy smudge into “I’ve been on a four day bender and haven’t taken my makeup off or washed my face since then” territory, very quickly. You have to know what makeup is appropriate, for any particular occasion. While I appreciate the RdF liner for what it is, I tend to avoid it in the summer, or if it’s rainy out — and since you get a ton of product, I don’t see myself needing (or wanting) to repurchase it any time soon.
Because there are a LOT of good gel/cream/cake liners out there that perform far better;
A few other gel/cream pot eyeliners that I really love for their longevity and ability to stay put quite a bit better than the RdF kind in less than ideal conditions are the Maybelline Lasting Drama Gel Eyeliner, Bobbi Brown Long Wear Gel Eyeliner, and Calligraphie de Chanel Long Wear Intense Cream Liner. I have several more varieties — several of which are from niche and indie companies you’ve likely never heard of — on order because I had to toss a bunch of years-old liners and need to replenish my supply (plus, retail therapy is a thing), and will follow up with my opinion on those at a later date. As a side note: I tend to not go super-cheap with this style of liner, with one notable exception — the Maybelline one — because I enjoy quality packaging and ingredients, yes, but also, you tend to get quite a bit of product, and they will last you FOREVER if you always tightly lid them after use, remembering to store them properly. And since they do generally have tons of product, spending a few extra bucks for a truly good one is worth your while if this is your liner of choice, if it works for you. Thus far, the pot liners I find has the most longevity are the Chanel, Bobbi Brown, and Maybelline gel-pot liners. The price on these various liners is all over the map, and they’re all excellent choices. Surprisingly, Maybelline’s liner has amazing longevity, beating out possibly even the Bobbi Brown, which is saying something. I’ve had mine on for six hours, and have experienced zero smudging, smearing, or fading. If you are just starting out with this type of liner, I’d definitely recommend getting this one first. You won’t get as much product as with the RdF or the Chanel, but it’s a good way to test it out and see if it’s something that works for you.
Which brings me to my favorite pencil liners. Part of getting pencil liner right is making sure you have the right kind of pencil — because believe me, they were not all created equally. Dry, hard pencils, particularly as we age and our lids aren’t as taut as they once were, will pull at the skin, skip, and generally make creating a proper line much more work than it needs to be. Find a good pencil that’s kind of like Goldilock’s porridge; not to hard, not to soft, but just right. To be honest, I generally don’t use pencil liners. Anything I want to do with a pencil, I can do with the pot liner. HOWEVER. There are some pencils that really just get the black eyeliner thing right — and those are what I reach for on days when that extra step or so needed for the gel (i.e. grabbing a brush, and if it’s not very long-wearing or prone to smear, a sealant or extra layer of shadow/liquid). On days when I simply MUST have my black eyeliner fix, but my energy level for wielding liquid liner is nil, and my patience for the pot is less than zero because then I have to dig out a BRUSH, for god’s sake, a good pencil will do the trick in a pinch.
Now, I have tried 40,000 pencil liners over the years, and they’ve come a long way from the Maybelline melted with mom’s lighter days; still, I find most to be lacking in pigment, precision, sharpness, longevity, etc. But the following liners, I find, are actually pretty damn good; I can get a nice sharp, deep black line if that’s what I want (and I usually do), or I can soften and smudge it without yanking on my poor, aging, paper-thin lids.
Pat McGrath Permagel Eyeliner Pencil (shown on me, above), and their now defunct but still available on Mecari and eBay Velvet Kohl Eyeliner are both extremely black, soft enough to glide like ice on hot skin across your oh-so-delicate lids, and have pretty damn good staying power, even in less-than-ideal conditions. As a rule, Pat McGrath eyeliners are superior to most — including the liquid eyeliner. Another good one is the oldie but goodie, Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-on Waterproof Eyeliner Pencil. It’s super-black, and actually is waterproof. Another great one for longevity, super-black color, and ease of use on delicate lids is the Natasha Denona Macro Tech Eyeliner (I have the old version in white packaging) Because pencil is not my favorite form of eyeliner, I’m really not that well-informed regarding the best ones beyond that; but I can recommend that you actually go in person, if at all possible, to your local Sephora or wherever, and actually try them on. I draw a line on my hand, let it set for a minute, then run my finger across it a few times to see how well it sets. I generally walk out of Sephora looking like a Jackson Pollack canvas — lipstick, eyeliner, concealer, and eyeshadow splattered all over my hands and arms. When you’re just starting out, you want one that dries fast but not TOO fast, so you can correct errors if necessary. The super quick-drying ones are going to have the most longevity, but you need to know what you’re doing. You’ll get there, I promise. Just keep practicing. It’s worth it in the long run. Cream/gel liners in a pot are hands-down the longest wearing liners, give you the most control, and are the easiest to manage; if you love the look of liquid liners but can’t seem to get the hang of them, the gel/cream pot liners are the way to go. They don’t drag on the lids like a pencil, are much more pigmented, you can either go for the super crisp cat-eye line, or the smoky, smudged look. Finally, they have the most product for your buck.
And finally, the liquid eyeliner. For years, they were my go-to since I first learned to wield a Wet n’Wild liquid liner with the sloppy dip-brush that got all over the place. Honestly, it was the best thing ever to learn with, because if you could make THAT look good, you were truly an expert. Modern day liquid liners are all a snap, in comparison. The easiest to handle are the felt-tip variety, because the flow of ink is most controlled. Brushes give a lovely, crisp line; but tend to be a bit wetter, and so are best left to those who are very adept and confident, and are able to work quickly. You can’t do the smoky eye with liquid liners, because they aren’t made to smudge; if you want to do that, you’ll need to go over everything with a cream or powder shadow (which is perfectly acceptable and I do it all the time; it’s just an extra step). If cat-eye liner a la the 50’s and 60’s are your jam, then liquid liners are the most precise and easy way to go — once you’ve mastered the art of application. I’ll do a video when I’m feeling a bit less like microwaved yak-vomit on how to apply all three types of liners, but for now, just trust me when I say that you CAN master the technique. All it takes is practice, and finding the formula and brush-type that works best for you.
If you’re just starting out with this type of liner, there is one brand in particular that in my opinion has the absolute BEST, in terms of formula ,ease of use, and color saturation that works particularly well for more mature women, due to the brown undertone as opposed to the blue that is often used in order to get the “blackest black”. I get why getting a vanta-black line is appealing — a black so deep you can imagine entire galaxies getting sucked into its howling void, right there on your eyelids. However, for those of us who are a bit older, a bit more delicacy in color can be a very good thing. As we get more mature, our skin tone tends to get more washed out, for lack of a better term, particularly if you’re super pale to begin with, like me. But really it holds true for everyone. What that means is that, for instance, jet black hair that used to look edgy and fabulous when you were in your 20s now looks harsh and fake. Well, same holds true for things like makeup. It doesn’t mean you can’t still wear black, but it looks far better to switch to a shade that’s got a less harsh undertone to it. Brown-black hair as opposed blue black, for example, can make a huge difference to a more mature complexion. Same holds true for makeup — particularly for daytime wear. At night, we can certainly get away with darker, more intense makeup. But for every day, we don’t want to look like Joan Crawford from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.
And one eyeliner that is the perfect shade of saturated yet non-harsh black is the Le Metier de Beaute Precision Liquid Eyeliner (seen above). Not only is the formula the perfect shade of daily-wear brown-based black, the applicator itself is so easy to manage that even a liquid eyeliner dilettante (or shaky-handed wastrel) can wield it with confidence. The flow of the liquid is controlled and perfect, so you don’t have to worry about that dreaded blob of product that can occur with less perfectly designed liners. It’s black without being harsh (and it’s NOT a “brown black”, it’s definitely BLACK black — the difference is in the undertone), it’s got great longevity as long as you do the basics like use a primer on your lids, and it lasts a good long time, despite the deceptively small packaging.
If you look at the above photo, the very top line is the Le Metier de Beaute eyeliner; it’s clearly a more “gentle” black in comparison to the others. From top to bottom, we have Le Metier de Beaute Precision Liner in black; Heroine Make Smooth Liquid Eyeliner in jet black; Rituel de Fille The Black Orb Enigmatic Eyeliner, and Maybelline Lasting Drama Gel Eyeliner in black. I’ll be doing individual reviews in future, as this post is running on interminably at this point, as my posts tend to do.
And, I’m getting tired — this post has taken me a week to write, because I currently have the stamina of a 120 year old dying sea turtle. However, I do hope this post was at least somewhat useful in helping you decide on a liner that works for you. Stay tuned for more lazy beauty looks for the chronically exhausted!
XO, C
The Pretty Sick Chick 
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